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Why I cut all my hair off - pixie update!

I've been trying to find a way to write this post for the last few weeks, I think I needed some time to reflect properly on how I felt about it and how to put it into words. So here goes.

On the 8th July 2014 I genuinely captioned an instagram post: "I'd be nothing without my hair." Along with this photo:

And I currently look like this:

Yeah. Lol.

I used to be obsessed with my hair, and the thought of cutting it terrified me, it truly was my safety blanket. It took me about a year of contemplation to cut off maybe 5 inches of really horribly damaged and bleached, waist length hair, but within a couple of months, I'd cut off a bit more and then a bit more and a bit more. I was totally hooked. It might sound weird, but each time I cut my hair, it was like I was...

cutting off the insecure, scared, part of myself. 

My hair now, is a statement. It's a gigantic "f*** you" to societies absolutely retarded and oppressive expectations of me as a female in a sex obsessed and male dominated world.

My whole life, I was insanely insecure, even when I had hundreds of people liking my lookbook or instagram photo's telling me I was beautiful. I only felt pretty when I had make-up on, or when my hair was long and bouncy and covering my face/body. So obviously, when I was bare faced or having a bad hair day, I felt crap. And to be honest, even when I did have all the makeup and hair, I felt crap the majority of the time, because I compared myself to every remotely pretty girl I saw, whether that was in the street, or in the media or wherever.

I was just awful to myself. I put myself down constantly.

So what changed?

Basically, I became vegan and moved into a meditation and yoga house. I started a spiritual and self love journey, I met incredible people that taught me about the universe and my life started to make sense, they helped me understand that I was SO much more than my physical body. (This is the extremely short version of the story btw lol) Basically, I became a giant hippie, a really ridiculously happy, vegan, roller-skating, poetry writing hippie!!

And I have grown in confidence more this year than any other time in my life.

And I still like fashion and makeup and modelling and fitness and I like that I get to choose how to represent myself to the world. I still love dressing up and wearing tons of eyeliner, the difference is that I don't feel happier when I do that, I feel just as great walking into town looking like a bag lady with no makeup on as I do in a kickass outfit... genuinely! It's so freaking liberating!!

My hair represents the new me. The real me at this present moment. I am no longer the generic 'hot girl', the one I spent my whole life trying to be, (but hardly ever felt like) so that I would be accepted and liked.

And I don't care if you hate my short hair. Clearly lol. I don't care one bit.

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